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Acceptance and allowance are the subject du jour. We start by being "where" we are, neither running away from some aspects of "here / now", (especially including our feelings), nor running towards something which is not present "here / now", (especially seeking a feeling state not present). We must release our entire (hi)story of "how we got to here / now". We must release our attempts to either control the process of change, or the outcome of the eternal process of change called life.
One of the "processes of change" to "accept" is reincarnation, the most efficient method of transforming embodiment. Our nature and essence is consciousness, not form, therefore in loving another and supporting their "life", we must support their choice of form of life, their preference of form in which to express their consciousness, rather than attaching to any particular embodiment of that conscious being. Sometimes the most challenging to give form of love for someone is to set them free, even free to leave their present embodiment, that they may manifest new circumstances more suitable to their appropriate path.
We have to release all of our attachments to having relationships,
to having relationships fit into our expectations or desires,
to even having the mental illusion called "a relationship",
for relating is a living dynamic energy flow of the moment,
not a trophy to be placed on a shelf,
as, e.g. is often manifest as "the shelf of our wedding pictures".
That form of relationship guarantees a complete lack of relating,
whereas a living relating requires releasing all control of flow or form.
You can either define "the relationship" and then ever-after be miserable
as everyone is forced to play a role thereby defined, rather than being authentic,
or you can commit not to each other, but to yourself,
that you will be authentic, and openly share that authentic self,
and then "the relationship" shall ever after
remain undefineable, a mystery of dynamic life,
alive, and thereby, soulfull.
This brings us full circle to acceptance. In authentic living, we are always and only self expressive... our life is the outward expression of our inner essence. When we seek to control a relationship, control another, define another, or to accomplish a specific "outcome" with, in, or by another, or in our relationship with them, then we become conditional, reactive, manipulative, deceitful, and therefore always hurtful, as we express falsely that role we must present to manipulate the other(s) into making the choices we choose for them, to serve our own ego attachment to a false illusion, a pretense of life.
To say: "I love you unconditionally" is to both be authentic, and to have no agenda(e), expectation(s), or dependence with others. Sometimes this means allowing another to be in an uncomfortable emotional state, learning and growing via contrast, even when it is uncomfortable for us to be aware of that emotional state, whereby it is better for us to give them space, than to try to force them to "hurry up and process" their emotional state, because we don't wish to feel their emotion. "There, there, dear, don't cry" is an abuse we heap on others, not to heal them, but to avoid our own issues, triggered by their mirroring our own denied emotions.
Any and all intent or will to change another is a "sin" (error). We have the absolute right to change our self. We are all one, however as multidmensional beings, those two concepts are not in contradiction, they merely express in different dimensional manifestations. Living with that paradox is one of the great mysteries of life.
Since both past and future are not real, and the love of transcendent relating is totally accepting and allowing and supportive of all others being who they are, there is never any desire nor intent by anyone to change another being, merely a need to come to neutral emotional state, and to release all will for or about all other beings. Thus, to heal a relationship is to release all of ones expectations of others, as a precondition to anything which could possibly bear the label love. Welcome to Gaia.
Faery blessings -- celeste