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Love is the only thing which is real; all else is illusion.
Only love heals.
You have the freedom and the power to choose love.
85% of relationships amongst [mankind] on Ter-Ra are based upon mutual needs fulfillment in the dualistic world. Most seek relationships based in "Romantic" Love, they seek to fall in love with each other. The "fall" is a consequence of a combination of factors, primarily desire based:
A spiritually conscious loving couple will seek that their relationship serves to help them both rise in love. This is more to the nature of true love, which seeks to enhance, support, nurture the other individual to succeed in their own choices. This is about a love which is giving. This should be a major goal for a healthy relationship.
You cannot simultaneously demand of another individual that they be honest with you and that they obey your agenda for them. If you demand to control them, you give them incentive to lie in escaping your control, and if you demand honesty, then you must be open to hear the truth without negative reactions to what you hear because they are being honestly who they are rather than who you want to control them to be.
If you do succeed in getting another individual to submit to your control you have committed soul murder, the opposite of love. Control comes in two flavors: both the overt yang form, and the covert yin form of manipulation, deceit, lies. Each are equally hurtful and destructive to love and trust and to the soul, and are both karmic. Only open honesty and acceptance of the other's right of free-will choice can be the foundation of trust and love.
All the world is illusion, the only reality being how you feel about your experience, and whether the experience you receive or cause is loving or hurtful. This means you can play any game you like as long as you play it honestly and nonhurtfully. "All the world is a stage, and all the people players" - Shakespeare. To cocreate and share lovingly merely requires finding someone who wants to play the same game you do.
If you were given absolute power over manifest reality, would you use it to have power over other people, or would you use it to empower other people? Do you seek dominance or dominion? Is it enough to have absolute control over your own body reality or do you seek to control others also, rather than allowing them the same free dominion you claim for yourself? How can you justify not giving to others what you demand from them? If you have the right to be free and not controlled by others, then so do they. Distance, separation, boundaries, privacy, are the keys to coexistence.
Healthy relationships are built on two foundations: Trust and Love.
Trust is the more fragile of the two, being easier to damage, and taking longer to heal.
Love is beyond fear & manipulation. Love is giving, responding, honoring, commitment, intimacy, caring so that someone can feel secure, pleasure, vulnerable, trust, caring & intimacy, reduced fear of loss, and rejoicing in the presence in the present, experiencing and willing freedom.
Love is completely outside the realm of cause and effect, despite all our games, manipulations and strategies to create, possess, and maintain it. It is an aspect of the Divine, something we can not control.
Many of the games people play in relationships are to avoid pain, get love, get needs met.
Possessiveness in relationships comes from insecurities. Attempting to nail-down a relationship through commitment covers fear of abandonment.
The need to be special, to be the only one your partner chooses to mate with, covers a lack of self worth.
In our childhood relationships with our parents we are made to feel special. If we attempt to enter a mating relationship without fully maturing, we will seek to have our mate make us feel special the way our parents did. If we have not matured beyond the issue of our sexual attraction to our opposite sex parent, we may choose inappropriately a mate to substitute for that parent.
If we let go of the need for specialness, both to be special to others, and that we are only willing to mate with someone special, we can have real relationships with real people. When we are self-sufficient, we can relate healthily with other healthy people.
Low Self Esteem creates insecurity, jealousy, possessiveness, the need to be special, fear of abandonment, need for a special partner, need for partner to commit to you, need for partner to commit to be with you only. The Demon of Fear can only be overcome through Self Love.
We attempt to manipulate and control others by giving to them the power over our own emotional states with the claim that they make us happy or unhappy. This is a lie and therefore hurtful to both them and yourself.
Claim your sovereignty, that you alone are the creator of your reality, your perception thereof, and your states of feeling thereabout. Give up blame and punishment of others because they are in their sovereignty rather than being for you what you want or need them to be.
We have no right to define for another what is real, valid, important, meaningful or true. The only thing which is actually real for yourself is that we exist only in this moment, and contained within this moment are all possibilities, from which we choose which to make real and manifest, no matter how much we deny that choice and power.
Many people operate with very warped definitions of love. Our first responsibility to the health of yourself and the health of our relationships with others is to be harmless (ahimsa). You cannot live in a friendly loving world if you go around hurting others. We hurt another whenever we lie to them, covertly manipulate them, or overtly control them. Honesty is the only non-hurtful policy. We must accept others exactly the way they are, without judgment, giving them the right of sovereignty over their own lives, the absolute right of free-will choice over their own lives. We must have the humility to see them as new in every moment, to be willing to relate to the new individual of that moment, rather than thinking we know them and relating to who we previously knew them to be. Then we have achieved harmlessness (ahimsa). Beyond that we may understand them through knowing them, their choices, dreams, visions, goals, will. We may love them by setting them free and encouraging and supporting them in manifesting with grace and ease and abundance that which they choose for their self, from their Self, not what we want them to choose. That they choose differently from us, or from our desires or needs, is to be expected and encouraged as their spiritual uniqueness and sovereignty... for how boring the world would be if we were all identical clones. Encourage them in manifesting their own choices, even when they choose what we do not like, for what we like is our own problem of judgment. If you love someone, set them free. Most are looking to find the perfect mate whom they will then possess... guaranteed to kill all possibility of love in the relationship between them.
Our relationships with others can only be as healthy as our relationship with our self. Until we have our own healthy self, we can not co-create or participate in a healthy relationship, whether with family, friends, or lovers. This has to be the first principle of healthy relationships, be healthy yourself. Regardless the intended or committed form of relationship, the actual relationship we will experience with anyone is automatically created from who each of us is in that moment. Selling yourself out to manipulate a specific relationship into a specific form, to maintain our attachment to getting what we want with a specific individual, is the only alternative to selling them out, by attempting to change them to be what we want them to be. Each is destructive, anti-loving to one or both people. The only healthy alternative is being true to yourself and allowing the relationship to "float", to be undefined; a very scary proposition to anyone who has not yet healed childhood wounds and found their Self.
Until Death Do Us Part?
Until Death of Past & Future Do Us Now Join.
Set your self and those you relate to, free of the past; do not pretend to know either yourself or them and then project your past perceptions of who you previously perceived you or them to be, upon who you each are now. It takes extra work to actually relate in the moment; be so willing.
Set your self and those you relate to free of the future, do not demand commitment to the future, for no matter how perfectly you choose what is appropriate from today's perspective, you demand non-growth, non-healing when you demand to control the future.
Set your self and those you relate to free of the present, of your expectations, needs, desires, commitment, and possessiveness.
Commit only that you will be true to your own heart and soul, and that you will openly and honestly communicate, reveal, expose that authentic self to others, that they may honor your truth by supporting your right to be you, and your right to make your own choices for your own life, and that you will give them what you demand from them; free dominion.
If you love someone, set them free. You will be incapable of this until you love yourself enough to set yourself free.
In following the truth of your heart and soul, you may find yourself in a deep monogamous relationship with someone who is following the truth of their heart and soul, day after day, because your union is the soul truth, not because your egoes made dysfunctional commitments to each other about monogamy, about the future. You cannot have in this moment that which you are unwilling to not have in this moment or the next.
Ultimately the only lesson is to live love.
Well, "yes", that's all well and good, we might say...
but how?
Firstly, in each moment, the priority is to release the past, through forgiveness. When we reach neutral calm about the past, we simply become bored with it, as in: "I'm not interested in either telling stories of the past, listening to stories of the past, nor recycling emotions about the past, because I've processed all those emotions, learned all the lessons of them, and i clearly cognize that life is in the now.
Secondly, in each moment, the priority is to be in faith and trust, that the future will bring only positive appropriate experience. If we are open to flow with the energies of the moment, if we are open to change to stay in that flow, if we release our need to know everything, if we release our need to control everything, then we can be in the reality our own higher-self intends for us. That also means surrendering our attachments to timing, specific outcomes, and specific paths to outcomes. Is it obvious this is the antidote to fear (about the future)?
Thirdly, and here's where we get into actually living in the now, we have a calm and mostly empty mind (left-brained ego), and a calm and peaceful heart and soul, together in complete acceptance of what is, for what is attracted to us is only our own creation, and even if it be not our preference, leaving behind unpreferred manifestation will only happen by neutral acceptance, "yawn", yeah, i know, i know, it's just a delayed reflection of the energies i previously held in my energy field. Whatever... yeah, it helped me clarify what i don't prefer, so that by inversion, i became clearer about what i do prefer... Yay!
Fourthly, we step into reality creator mode. We imagine in our right brain intuitive center, and in our 3rd eye, our preferred utopia, while in our hearts feeling the confirmation of joy, that it is in alignment with our soul, and we adopt an attitude of gratitude for it being "already done", (which it is in a parallel-reality time-line), and we know that by the law of attraction, we will attract our self into that reality by continuing to hold those frequencies, that image, that joy, that appreciation, inside our energy fields.
This, then, is how we change our own consciousness to change our own reality, the only thing we actually have power over, or the right to have power over, and the only thing even approaching "real" in our experiential life. Because "we are all one", the way we change everyone else, is by changing our self. And that is how we "fix the world".
The issue of Parental Wound is created typically by the age of 18 months, when we have our first experience of true independence from our parents. When they realize that we have achieved independence, they usually react negatively, keeping us dependent upon them. Their reaction is either one of, or both of, two kinds of repression. In one form they exert external pressure upon us to repress our independence, and in the other they convince us to exert internal pressure upon our selves to repress our independence, by convincing us that we are wrong to be independent. In this process we conclude that:
These wounds are sex and gender based, depending on both our own sex and the sex of the parent creating the wound; (for brevity we address the majority case of heterosexual orientation). In classical Psychology, these correlate with the Oedipal Complex and the Electra Complex; the desire to have the same kind of relationship with the opposite sex parent as the same sex parent has with them. Ultimately, we receive wounds from both parents, with the deeper wounds buried under the easier to deal with wound, which itself may be something we avoid dealing with for most of our lives. It is a major point of choice of partners until we are finally willing to confront the pain of these wounds, transmuting our relationship up from the level of partner choice to avoid the wound, up to a choice of partner to help us heal these wounds, someone who is also willing to confront their own wounds. Once the wounds are healed, then we may finally chose an appropriate partner for a spiritually based soulful relationship based upon cocreation and play.
One of the most important matters to address in any relationship, is the nature of expressions of love. For each individual, there are two lists:
Often, people may be doing their very best to express their love for each other, but if their natural modality of expression is not the same as the other ego's mode of expectation, then each feels that they are having to give or effort too much, and is not being rewarded by being loved in return. Communication between partners is essential.
The two biggest factors in relationship longevity are the matters of:
If one is growing way faster than the other, then incompatibility may result, or the one growing faster may sabotage their growth to keep the relationship.
If one wants to share everything and the other only wants to share a portion of their life, then there are continual conflicts over borders / boundaries between them, one always feeling engulfed by too much of the other, and the other always feeling abandoned.
All of the above listed issues are the learning process of a male and a female preparing to mate physically. This involves two primary factors:
[A]scended love of non-duality is completely different than anything we have described above. In the lower realms the first principle is separation, and thus every aspect of relating with "other" starts from disconnection, and is about making connection. In 6D+ reality we start from the knowing of oneness, thus love is a part of the shared oneness, thus it is void of subject and object, source and sink. In this realm everything is love. We all relate in that context, and yet there can be a "specialness". This is one isness of love.
To the extent we choose to depend upon the external world to mirror ourselves,
particularly with respect to having a relationship be interpreted as
mirroring our self worth or lovability,
then the presence or absence thereof,
or the quality of relating if a partner is present,
places us in a dependent state,
that of giving away all our power to another.
When it produces the sought appreciation by partner,
we may then allow ourself good feelings.
The only way off this treadmill / hampsterwheel is to internalize the game of mirroring with others,
take it to our own reflection in the glass mirror, or in the still water,
and realize that our true happiness can only come from self love,
in the here and now.
This is a necessary step in the process of ascension,
to release romantic love and any sense of need of a partner,
which is a game within duality,
so that we may [a]scend beyond the separation of duality,
and arrive in unity consciousness in the non-dual
densities,
where we are love, and in wholeness.
-- celeste
'The One that is All that Is whologram of divine essence is that which is individuated essence,
and only being disconnected from the knowing-of and being-in that,
can lead to the sense of needing other, requiring relating with other,
as the fulfillment of having the same thing which is already within the individuated self but denied.'
-- tomril
"The Authentic Self is whole and complete,
for it is not in any way separate from the 'whologram',
the hologram of the whole.
It may be called variously the 'Christ Self' or the
'Higher Self', ones' 'Spirit',
whose incarnate fusing with the embodiment
is the Soul dwelling in the Gold Room
in the center of the Heart Chakra,
(the Thymus Gland just above the blood pump).
While the individuated embodiment vehicle and its experiences
are unique and separate,
and allows for the manifestation of individuated free will choice,
the surrender of that will to serve the highest good of the whologram,
is the choice which produces the highest synchronicity and
positive synergy."
-- crystalfaeries
Faery blessings - celeste