crystal faeries

divine love consciousness blog

1st September 1970

Lindy West comments: "In case you're not familiar with the intricacies of The Rules, here's a primer.

  1. Don't talk.
  2. Don't look men in the eye.
  3. Don't return men's phone calls.
  4. Don't express interest in men in any way.
  5. Don't tell men what to do.
  6. Don't give up your precious flower.
  7. Don't pay for anything.
  8. Don't expect men to change or accomodate your needs in any way.
  9. Don't reveal anything about yourself because nobody cares.
  10. Demand expensive gifts.
  11. Don't ever stop doing The Rules.
  12. Eternal happiness.

[Subservient House-Wife]

That's why subservient housewives the world over have historically been the happiest people on Gaia.
For that matter, you know what else sucks?
The right to vote.
Could we please roll that back so that i can finally get some free diamonds!?!?"
...and then she finally concludes: "Here are the only actual 'rules':"

  1. Be a person with a life.
  2. [Honor] other people and their lives.
  3. Be patient.
  4. Don't be desperate.

From: "40 Dating Tips i Gathered After Reading Ellen Fein's The Rules"
(with comments by XKCD & celeste):

  1. _"Take care of yourself!" [...]
    [XKCD 266]
    Self love is always a good thing!
    [XKCD 267]
    "Be feminine."
    Nothing emphasizes femininity more than a tight-laced corset on a faery.
    [Spiritual Aspects of the TightLaced Corseted Faery Girl]
    "Smell Good."
    Olfactory input bypasses the ego, directly activating primal centers.
  2. _Don't Talk to [Them] First (and Don't Ask [Them] to Dance)
    "Make [them] approach you."
    [XKCD 642]
    Attraction is the game. You can't go wrong in high heels and fully fashioned nylon stockings.
  3. _Don't Stare at [Them] or Talk Too Much
    "Be a Responder, not a Hunter. [...]"
    Of course a direct "yes" is forbidden, therfore, tease... mercilessly.
    [Mixed Messages]
  4. _Don't Meet [Them] Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
    "Never be offended. You love your flaws. You love yourself. Nothing you do is stupid. Smile and laugh."
    [Love is THE Drug]
    Giggly faeries are irresistable.
  5. _Be a "Creature Unlike Any Other"
    "Hunters don't hunt animals that chase them or wait for them. They hunt unique animals that are hard to find, even if they have to travel to catch them."
    [XKCD 595]
    Hunters are especially attracted to fleeing animals, and high heels seen from behind emphasize the imagery of fleeing.
  6. _Don't Call [Them] and Rarely Return [their] Calls
    "Don't call back immediately. You are a girl in demand."
    [XKCD 615: avoidance]
    This of course presumes that your prey is a hunter, not a mater, and therefore you must keep [them] hunting to keep [them]. Do you really think this will make for a happy long term relationship? These kinds of relationships rarely last more than 3 years, unless there is more depth developed than merely "the hunt".
    [XKCD 592]
  7. _Don't Call [Them] and Rarely Return [Their] Calls
    "Don't call first. You might catch them when [they're] busy and then you'll feel bad and dumb."
    [XKCD 268]
  8. _Always End Phone Calls First
    "End call first after 15 minutes always. (Even though it sucks. [They] will call you more.)"
    Therefore, the content of the phone call should include arranging to meet live.
    [XKCD 615]
  9. _Always End the Date First
    "End the date first."
    What? Oh! you mean kick [them] out of your bed in the morning and tell [them] to go home? *giggles*
    [XKCD 698]
  10. _Be Honest but Mysterious
    "Don't reveal too much. Once books are open, they end up closed."
    It's all about the tease, and a woman is always an eternal mystery, especially to herself.
    [XKCD 632]
  11. _Be Easy to Live With
    "Be supportive and compassionate.
    [XKCD 514]
  12. _Don't Date [anyone who is] Married [...]
    Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules
    "Don't date people who are already dating people."
    Otherwise you're setting yourself up to be a "rebound relationship"?
    [Pulling Strings]
  13. _"Be awesome. You've never been sad. You never want to be sad. Sad people are Sad. Happy people are contagious." *giggles*
    [XKCD 572]
  14. _Stop Dating [Them] if [They] Don't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
    "If [their] gifts aren't romantic, [their] feelings aren't romantic. You are not a tool set. You are a teddy bear and chocolates and everything sweet that [they] are feeling."
    [XKCD 44]
    You are a princess and a goddess.
    [They] exist to worship you.
  15. _Don't See [Them] More than Once or Twice a Week
    "Refrain from seeing [them] more than 2-3 times a week."
    If you do this, don't expect monogamy.
    [XKCD 539]
  16. _ [kissing lips] No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
    "Only casual kissing on the first date."
    Define "casual"? *giggles*
    [XKCD 540]
  17. _Fill Up Your Time before the Date
    "Be busy until the moment [they] pick you up, that way you won't over think things. Just be busy all the time. Busy people are important. You want to be important."
    If you're really important to your self, you'll stop being busy and spend some time meditatating, to align with your deeper essence, which is, after all, the only thing which will keep [them] around in the long run.
    [XKCD 67]
  18. _Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
    "Even if you are not busy, pretend like you are. (This is not lying.)"
    [XKCD 238]
    Be busy loving yourself by being true to your own essence.
  19. _Don't Break The Rules
    Do The Rules and You'll Live Happily Ever After!
    Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends and Parents Think It's Nuts
    Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist
    "Only tell your [counselor] or your dog everything about you.
    Don't talk about them all the time. Words get around.
    You don't want to sound crazy."
    [XKCD 443]
  20. _Don't Rush into Sex [and Other Rules for Intimacy]
    "Seriously don't have sex. When it comes to intimacy, stand your ground. [They] will [honor] you."
    But don't expect monogamy.
    [XKCD 685]
  21. _Be Easy to Live With
    "If bad things happen, stay emotionally cool.
    [XKCD 598]
    Don't talk about the future. Ever. The future ball is in [their] court to bring up."
    Only the present is real. Express your true feelings in the now, if you desire a real relationship of fulfillment.
    [XKCD 13]
  22. _Don't Tell [Them] What to Do
    "Don't be bossy. Let [them] be [dominant]. Bossy can come off as jealous or insecure."
    [XKCD 474]
    Unless, of course, you wear your thigh-high spike heel boots :-)
  23. _Let [Them] Take the Lead
    "[Your partner] [has] balls. You don't.
    Don't let the ball be in your court.
    The ball should always be in [their] court.
    [They] know what to do with [their] balls.
    Give [them] [their] balls."
    Get off the court and into the bedroom.
    [XKCD 487]
  24. _Don't Expect [Them] to Change or Try to Change [Them]
    "Literally act like [their] life is totally fine and you don't care to change it even if [they're] wearing cargo shorts."
    [XKCD 600]
  25. _"Always have something to do. Never act bored. Bored people are boring."
    [XKCD 236]
  26. _"Feelings are heavy and nobody wants those so shut up and suck it up."
    Unless those feelings are of deep bonding with your partner.
    [XKCD 310]
  27. _Be Easy to Live With
    "You are the happiest, calmest person alive.
    Nothing can get in your way.
    Your life is so great that [they] want to put [them]self in it, and [they] will."
    Let [them] put [themself] in it.
    [The Economics of Sex]
  28. _Next! and Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection
    "Sometimes it is better to be lonely than rejected. Even then, you have [a vibrator]." :-)
    [XKCD 513]
  29. _Love Only Those Who Love You
    "You are unlike anyone else. You don't waste time. You don't take shit from people. Shit is gross."
  30. _"Past relationships are in your rearview mirror. Your future is through your windshield. Your windshield is bigger for a reason."
    The now is real. Relating is in the now. Be present with your partner.
    [XKCD 507]
  31. _"The person who talks the most has the most to lose."
    Kiss the talking mouth to shut it up.
    [XKCD 449]
  32. _"Sympathy is stupid so stop trying to get it."
    Give love.
  33. _Be Honest but Mysterious
    "There is a reason why liars are lonely. Don't be one in a relationship."
    …or ever, for that matter.
    [XKCD 17]
  34. _"Busy is just 'Busy'; don't explain. Be happy and aloof when explaining that you are 'busy for the night'."
    Unless, of course, you'd like to be busy with your "partner".
  35. _Don't Live with [Them]
    "Don't leave [your] things at [their] apartment. Make [them] make up excuses to see you. If [they] don't… They don't want to see you. If [they] don't want to see you… you were too busy to notice or care (even if you do care)."
    Gamification… is it fulfilling?
  36. _"[Their] friends are the last people for you to seek advice from. Do not devalue your intuition and confidence by asking questions that make you look insecure no matter what they are."
    Love is the answer. Was there a question?
  37. _Slowly Involve [Them] in Your Family [...]
    "Relationship ratio should always be [them] 70% and you 30-50%."
    And that same ratio applies to [their] relating with you.
    [XKCD 684]
  38. _Don't Open Up Too Fast
    "Eventually you will have to tell [them] everything about you, but don't dump it on [them] like you're nailing down [their] coffin. Let [them] understand that the weight of your past is something you carry lightly."
    [XKCD 46]
    There is no past or future. Offer a hug in the now, and strangely enough, if accepted, you'll get one too! :-)
  39. _Accentuate the Positive [...]
    "Keep yourself busy and happy. This isn't just a tip to make people love you, this is a tip to keep you moving forward in life."
    The only way to do this is to be authentically yourself.
    [XKCD 122]
  40. _"Stay fit, stay beautiful, and show [them] and yourself that you care about being healthy."
    [XKCD 508]
  41. _"High Heels":
    [high heels]

  42. _"Nylon Stockings":
    [nylon stockings]

We offer a "12-Step Program" to break your addiction to "The Rules of The Game":

  1. Forgive yourself.
  2. GoTo 1.
  3. Eternal Happiness comes from your own soul in the timeless now.
  4. Congratulate yourself on having broken the rules to get to 4.
  5. Ask your partner what The Rules are... and always follow them.
  6. Never look for anything beyond following your partner's rules.
  7. Ok, Ok, get a different partner with different rules.
  8. GoTo 6.
  9. You again? You want special rules just for you?
  10. Grandma was right.
  11. Turn it up to 11.
  12. Tend a Faery garden for your inner child.
  13. Beyond all the relationship ego-games within the dualistic world of duality, true soul fulfillment comes from soul union, which of course is merely an abstract "feel good" state until both partners achieve true soul-level consciousness as a way of life.

Gaming her Mood

From the guys playing "The Game", a list of questions with which to interrogate their intended sex toy, to manipulate her into a sexual mood:
01 What do you wear when you go to bed?
Sexy lingerie, fully fashioned nylon stockings, and spike heels!
02 What is your sexiest outfit?
see 01.
03 Have you ever watched a couple make out?
That's why the bedroom ceiling is mirrored!
04 Have you ever decided to kiss or make out with a guy just because you were horny?
oh no, girls don't get horny... girls get wet :-)
05 If you could see any part of a man's body first, what part would it be?
his wallet.
06 What is your "secret" move to turn a man on?
fluttering my wings.
07 Where is the one place on your body that always gets you in the mood?
my clitoris, of course :-)
my G-spot, of course :-)
08 Do you get aroused from receiving a massage?
that very much depends upon the massage and the masseuese.
09 Do you want me to kiss you?
Kiss my high heels, now...
and don't stop until i tell you to...
10 Do you enjoy oral sex?
yes, I enjoy having my arches licked.
11 Would I look better with body hair or completely shaved?
12 What can I do to help you become aroused?
make for me a bed-spread of $100 notes?
13 Are these questions arousing you?
no, but my answers are :-)
14 Can I kiss you now? can keep kissing my high heels.
15 Would you like me to touch you now?
I'd like you to touch yourself now, while you keep licking my high heels and feet.
[lick heel and foot]

The 8 types of women
(according to "The Game")

  1. The Playette
    She is overly protective of herself. You will find the Playette almost everywhere as this type is the most common and most difficult to crack. She is more of an observer rather than engager and might come across as shy.
  2. The Social Butterfly
    This type is the most desirable. The Social Butterfly is pretty and energetic. She sweeps you off of your feet and then leaves you wanting more. She is like a butterfly; hard to catch -- unless you know what you are doing.
  3. The Hopeful Romantic
    The Hopeful Romantic is somewhat old-fashioned looking for a potential long-term lover, [and is the most likely to live by the Rules].
  4. The Cinderella
    She is exceptionally beautiful and dresses in a way that is sexy, revealing, but always classy and mature. She seeks to be as attractive as possible and is a head-turner capturing the attention of the males wherever she goes. The key irony is the fact that this type is often single. She is very passionate and doesn't mind sleeping with a man if she knows he is not going to run away.
  5. The Private Dancer
    She has two sides: a mysterious-yet-innocent exterior and a passionate and sensitive interior. She is a giver making her man feel special. Yet she is scared of getting attached to a man once she opens up.
  6. The Seductress
    She is confident, sexual, and independent. She has a strong frame and can be intimidating to weak and insecure men. She assesses men and once she spots weakness, she just moves on to another male.
  7. The Connoisseur
    She is extremely picky, practical, and cautious when it comes to choosing males. She is also a giver and for her sex is special, something she can't give to anyone. She is a devoted and caring woman when it comes to relationships. Once she sleeps with someone, she is likely to get attached.
  8. The Modern Woman
    She is independent, ambitious, focused on her career, enjoys dating and men and not too serious about relationships. She is the type that is comfortable with casual fun. She is rational, sexual, and common. She might end up in your "friends with benefits zone".

[XKCD 1027] [XKCD 800]

Created by Chronicle v4.6